Living With The Psychopath Gl Completed Self Published
To get the physical book: shopee.ph/insanesoldier_books_and_merch---
Diagnosis:I caught her stare piercing through me when I opened my eyes. That didn't change a bit, that look never failed to make me shiver, like something just crawled on my spine. Rosendale still watch me like there's nothing else to do. Para bang walang interesante sa paningin niya maliban sa akin.Kumibot ako at bahagyang nag-unat, napangiwi pa ako nang maramdaman ang sakit ng katawan. Itinaas ko hanggang balikat ang kumot. Sumisilip na ang liwanag sa bintana. Nawawala na yung antok ko habang tumatagal pero nag-decide akong pumikit pa. I cleared my throat. "Kanina ka pa gising?"I felt her snuggling on me, her hand snaking on my bare stomach while she buried her face on my neck. Huminga siya ng malalim at ramdam ko ang init no'n sa balat ko. Rosendale's like a cat, she's entirely different when she's around me. But everyone I know were having a hard time to gain her trust, to tame her."Kind of," She placed a soft kiss on the crook of my neck, her hand caressing my skin. It was both comforting and troubling. "I dreamed of you.""Ano 'yon?""Hmm, just random things, masyadong mixed. I just know you're in it."Walang paalam na pumunta siya sa ibabaw ko. I let out a small gasp when I felt her skin on mine. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya. I can feel my face betraying me nang maramdaman ko ang pamumula nito, hindi rin nakatulong na pati ang puso ko ay ganoon na lang sa pagtibok ng mabilis. I hate this kind of response, giving myself away when I didn't want to. Fuck it"Hmm," I thought I heard her smirk. Nang lingunin ko siya ay napalunok ako nang mapansin ang klase ng tingin na ibinibigay nito sa akin. Her eyes were looking intense, even at this early time of the day. It didn't help that she looked so alluring despite that messy hair. And the marks I made on her skin... "I should've let you slip into your clothes before we sleep."Inismiran ko siya. Sinubukan ko siyang itulak pero wala namang nangyari, she's stronger than me as usual. Tumawa pa ito at hinawakan ang noo at kilay ko. Alam kong nakakunot na iyon. Inalis ko yung kamay niya. Pilit ko namang kinuha ang kumot para itapal sa katawan ko ngunit walang nangyari. Basta na lang niya iyong inagaw sa akin at tinapon palayo. Umangil ako kay Rosendale at tiningnan siya ng masama. "Don't touch me."Huminga siya ng malalim at hinawakan ang isang kamay ko upang ipwesto iyon sa aking ulunan. She was tracing the scar on my wrist, that unforgettable one. She buried her face on my neck, gradually, her lips started raining kisses on it right up to my ear. Parang tumayo lahat ng balahibo ko sa katawan dahil sa ginagawa niya. Damn it! "Echo.""W-what?" I wanted to scold myself for fucking stuttering. Kaya mas lalong tumataas ang bilib niya sa sarili na kayang-kaya niya ako, eh. I keep making myself vulnerable in front of her. She's just...too much for me. It didn't change, I guess, it'll never be."It always feels like the first time whenever I touch you." Bumangon siya at naupo sa tiyan ko. I almost cursed when I felt her nakedness. Dumausdos ang buhok niya sa sariling balikat nang yumuko siya para halikan ako sa noo. Rosendale looked damn pretty and the scars on her chest didn't help to make me feel less of her. Para bang kahit anong gawin niya, ayoko mang aminin ay malakas talaga ang dating sa akin. "You never changed a bit, Echo. The way you move, your expression, the sound you make, everything about you is making me feel too much that I always think that maybe I'll keep getting crazy when I'm around you.""Matagal ka nang baliw," Inirapan ko siya para pagtakpan ang kung ano mang nararamdaman dahil sa narinig. Wala pa ring nagbago. It's been more than a year and yet, it felt like nothing really changed between us."You're still my pure Echo." She chuckled. Bahagya akong bumangon, binitawan naman niya ang kamay ko. Pakiramdam ko ay lalong nagdilim ang kulay ng mata niya nang hawiin ko ang buhok na nakaharang sa mukha nito at inipit sa gilid ng kanyang tainga. She maintained the length of her hair, except that she didn't have her bangs now. No more Sunako. Mas nagmukha siyang mailap sa ganoong dating na nasa gitna ang pagkakahati ng buhok. "Will you mind me taking possession of you every single time?""May magagawa ba ako?" Balik kong tanong sa kanya. Umiling naman ito at ngumisi. She looked satisfied and dangerous. "Then why still ask?"Nagkibit siya ng balikat. "Just wanna hear how you will never be able to stop me.""Bahala ka diyan." Ang nasabi ko na lang. I was so sure that she'll contradict me again once I say something else. "Alis nga, bigat mo."Hindi naman na ito nagmatigas pa at umalis nga. Naupo lang siya sa tabi ko. Kinuha ko naman ang kumot na itinapon niya at sumabit sa gilid ng kama at ibinalot iyon sa sarili ko. I noticed how she raised an eyebrow at me."What?""Hindi ko makuha kung bakit itinatago mo pa ang sarili mo." May halong pang-aasar ang tono ng boses nito. "I've seen all of you already, I even get to taste—""Bastos!" Ibinato ko sa kanya yung unan na nasa tabi ko lang. Sumapol iyon sa mukha ni Rosendale pero imbes na mapikon ay tumawa lang ito ng malakas. Napairap ako at nagmamadaling pumunta sa banyo para maligo."Still that shy, denial queen, I see." I heard her say.--Rosendale purposely took a leave from her work since today was the anniversary of her family's death. I was already so familiar with this place. Ilang beses na rin naman niya akong dinala rito. She will often tell me things about them while I just listen in return. This was the only moment that she'll talk about her childhood.Siguro nga'y ilang taon na rin ang lumipas nang mawala sila, pero ni minsan, hindi siya nakalimot sa kanila. May mga pagkakataon na pumupunta kami sa dating tinirhan ni Rosendale para lang ipakita yung mga pictures nila. Hindi rin niya pinalagpas na maipakita yung literato naming dalawa noong mga bata pa kami.Hindi ko pa rin alam kung sinong pumatay sa pamilya niya, hindi siya nagkukuwento. Hindi naman pumapasok sa isip ko na baka wala siyang tiwala sa akin, it's just that I perfectly know how difficult it was to open up a nightmare. I learned how to understand her better. It didn't matter now who killed who, but I hope her family will get the justice they should deserve."You okay?""I'm fine." I answered her.Tumingin lang siya sa akin pero mabilis din niyang binawi. Inilapag niya ang mga bulaklak sa tapat ng himlayan ng mga magulang at kapatid. Umupo siya at sumunod naman ako. Ipinatong niya ang kamay sa hita ko at binigyan ako ng marahang pisil. I smiled when she looked at me.Hindi ko alam kung nakuha ko ba ang justice na gusto ko. It's been a while already but I can't help but feel relieved and dissatisfied at the same timr sa tuwing pumapasok sa isip ko ang mga nangyari.I remembered when they told us that Kenneth awoken from his coma, I was really frightened but still decided to do what must happen. There was a trial, desidido akong ituloy ang kaso sa tulong na rin ng mga magulang ko. It was so hard, I almost thought about just giving up. I had to retell what happened between us, it was fucking traumatic that I can't help but be emotional. I had to look unfazed, only to go home just to cry my heart out.It was going well, malakas ang ebidensya laban sa kanya. But things didn't turn out the way we wanted—Kenneth killed himself.He committed suicide before we can even get what I deserved. It was frustrating, it felt like all our efforts was in vain. Hanggang dulo, madaya pa rin ito. He's a coward. I wished him death, but not like this, not that easy.Ipinilig ko ang ulo. Ayoko nang mag-isip. Nangyari na ang dapat mangyari, wala na akong magagawa sa bagay na 'yon kahit nakakainis. Iniisip ko na lang na ang mahalaga, wala na siya. Hindi ko na kailangang matakot. It was disappointing but what's most importance was that we're now safe from him. No one will get me now.Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Rosendale habang nakamasid sa pangalang nakaukit sa himlayan ng pamilya niya. I met them before, it's just a sad thing that I can't remember them dahil bata pa ako."Ikaw, ayos ka lang?" Tanong ko sa kanya. Inilapit ko ang sarili sa kanya at sumandal nang bahagya. Umakbay naman siya sa akin at pinisil ang balikat ko."Unlike before, seeing them now feels lighter." She heaved a deep breath. She leaned and kissed my temple briefly. "I still feel sad, I missed them a lot, but right now I feel much more at peace. Parang nawalan ako ng tinik sa lalamunan.""Naalala ko yung sinabi mo noon. You're being vague about it but you mentioned the one who killed them." I licked my lower lip. I can't help but feel anxious with what I was about to ask. I didn't want to spoil this very moment, I told myself it didn't matter, but there's nothing to lose if I still wanted to know a bit. "Is he still alive?""Echo." Tinahip ng kaba ang dibdib ko sa paraan ng pagtawag niya."Hmm?""Do you want to live with me?"Kumunot ang noo ko sa weird na tanong niya. "Magkasama na tayo sa iisang bahay. Ayos ka lang ba?"Inirapan niya ako. "Slow.""What the fuck?" I said out loud. Hindi ko mapigilang mainis. Siya itong nagtatanong ng kawirduhan tapos ako pang slow? "You're annoying.""It's you who's annoying." Iniharap niya ako sa kanya. Hindi pa siya nakuntento at pinitik pa ako sa noo kaya napamura ako. I was about to retort when she suddenly kiss me. I winced when she but my lower lip before parting. She tilted her head, a grin suddenly appearing on her. "I love that part of you anyway.""Ewan ko sa'yo." Pinalo ko siya sa balikat at tiningnan ng masama. I tried to ignore my heartbeat. "Ikaw itong weird magtanong."She chuckled. Pero nakakaasar ang dating no'n sa akin. "You misunderstood it.""Eh, ano ba kasi?""Do you want to live with me?""Magkasama na nga tayo—""I mean be together, get a house and, build our own...family." She cut me off. Natigilan ako sa narinig, pakiramdam ko nga ay iyon lang ang nag-register sa utak ko. "I still think that twins will be fancy.""S-siraulo." Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Sobrang bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Suddenly, I felt like being emotional. Para akong maiiyak na hindi ko maintindihan. I remembered telling her that things were too complex for us that time. But right now, it seemed like there's nothing to worry about. She's working now, I finished college just a few months ago, and my parents were so fine with her."Like what I've said before, it will take years for us to make it happen. I only need to keep you mine for that to happen." Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. "Bakit para kang iiyak diyan?""Huh?" Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Bakit ako iiyak?""Because you're so touched that I'm proposing to you?""Proposing tawag mo diyan?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Really.""What, you want a ring?""I never said about—""Then I'm proposing for us to live together someday." She cut me off again. "It's not like you can get away from me.""Then why still ask?""For formality."At that moment, I had this urge to smack her head hanggang maging normal siya. But, fuck, that's just so her. God. Why did I fall for her again? She's so annoying."So, Echo, your answer?" She smiled. It looked so genuine that I found myself staring at her. "I'm waiting.""May magagawa pa ba ako?" Umiling siya. Huminga ako ng malalim na para bang nakukunsumi sa kanya. In the end, I wasn't able to control myself, I smiled at her and wiped my eyes even if there was no tears yet. I feel like crying, ayoko namang makita niya. I leaned to plant a soft kiss on her lips. "Then that'll be a yes.""As expected." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan iyon. "I swear to you no one will harm you now. Nagkulang ako dati, pero natuto na ako.""Hindi ka nagkulang, Rosendale."Umiling siya. Her brown eyes looked so calm. "I can protect you better now. He's dead, Echo.""Si-sino?"Inilapit niya ako sa kanya para yakapin. Her breath fanned my skin. "The one who killed them. There's nothing to worry about it now."_____the end.Hi. There will be an extra chapter/s featuring Rosendale's point of view.Thank you for reading up until the very end.
Diagnosis:I caught her stare piercing through me when I opened my eyes. That didn't change a bit, that look never failed to make me shiver, like something just crawled on my spine. Rosendale still watch me like there's nothing else to do. Para bang walang interesante sa paningin niya maliban sa akin.Kumibot ako at bahagyang nag-unat, napangiwi pa ako nang maramdaman ang sakit ng katawan. Itinaas ko hanggang balikat ang kumot. Sumisilip na ang liwanag sa bintana. Nawawala na yung antok ko habang tumatagal pero nag-decide akong pumikit pa. I cleared my throat. "Kanina ka pa gising?"I felt her snuggling on me, her hand snaking on my bare stomach while she buried her face on my neck. Huminga siya ng malalim at ramdam ko ang init no'n sa balat ko. Rosendale's like a cat, she's entirely different when she's around me. But everyone I know were having a hard time to gain her trust, to tame her."Kind of," She placed a soft kiss on the crook of my neck, her hand caressing my skin. It was both comforting and troubling. "I dreamed of you.""Ano 'yon?""Hmm, just random things, masyadong mixed. I just know you're in it."Walang paalam na pumunta siya sa ibabaw ko. I let out a small gasp when I felt her skin on mine. Iniwas ko ang tingin sa kanya. I can feel my face betraying me nang maramdaman ko ang pamumula nito, hindi rin nakatulong na pati ang puso ko ay ganoon na lang sa pagtibok ng mabilis. I hate this kind of response, giving myself away when I didn't want to. Fuck it"Hmm," I thought I heard her smirk. Nang lingunin ko siya ay napalunok ako nang mapansin ang klase ng tingin na ibinibigay nito sa akin. Her eyes were looking intense, even at this early time of the day. It didn't help that she looked so alluring despite that messy hair. And the marks I made on her skin... "I should've let you slip into your clothes before we sleep."Inismiran ko siya. Sinubukan ko siyang itulak pero wala namang nangyari, she's stronger than me as usual. Tumawa pa ito at hinawakan ang noo at kilay ko. Alam kong nakakunot na iyon. Inalis ko yung kamay niya. Pilit ko namang kinuha ang kumot para itapal sa katawan ko ngunit walang nangyari. Basta na lang niya iyong inagaw sa akin at tinapon palayo. Umangil ako kay Rosendale at tiningnan siya ng masama. "Don't touch me."Huminga siya ng malalim at hinawakan ang isang kamay ko upang ipwesto iyon sa aking ulunan. She was tracing the scar on my wrist, that unforgettable one. She buried her face on my neck, gradually, her lips started raining kisses on it right up to my ear. Parang tumayo lahat ng balahibo ko sa katawan dahil sa ginagawa niya. Damn it! "Echo.""W-what?" I wanted to scold myself for fucking stuttering. Kaya mas lalong tumataas ang bilib niya sa sarili na kayang-kaya niya ako, eh. I keep making myself vulnerable in front of her. She's just...too much for me. It didn't change, I guess, it'll never be."It always feels like the first time whenever I touch you." Bumangon siya at naupo sa tiyan ko. I almost cursed when I felt her nakedness. Dumausdos ang buhok niya sa sariling balikat nang yumuko siya para halikan ako sa noo. Rosendale looked damn pretty and the scars on her chest didn't help to make me feel less of her. Para bang kahit anong gawin niya, ayoko mang aminin ay malakas talaga ang dating sa akin. "You never changed a bit, Echo. The way you move, your expression, the sound you make, everything about you is making me feel too much that I always think that maybe I'll keep getting crazy when I'm around you.""Matagal ka nang baliw," Inirapan ko siya para pagtakpan ang kung ano mang nararamdaman dahil sa narinig. Wala pa ring nagbago. It's been more than a year and yet, it felt like nothing really changed between us."You're still my pure Echo." She chuckled. Bahagya akong bumangon, binitawan naman niya ang kamay ko. Pakiramdam ko ay lalong nagdilim ang kulay ng mata niya nang hawiin ko ang buhok na nakaharang sa mukha nito at inipit sa gilid ng kanyang tainga. She maintained the length of her hair, except that she didn't have her bangs now. No more Sunako. Mas nagmukha siyang mailap sa ganoong dating na nasa gitna ang pagkakahati ng buhok. "Will you mind me taking possession of you every single time?""May magagawa ba ako?" Balik kong tanong sa kanya. Umiling naman ito at ngumisi. She looked satisfied and dangerous. "Then why still ask?"Nagkibit siya ng balikat. "Just wanna hear how you will never be able to stop me.""Bahala ka diyan." Ang nasabi ko na lang. I was so sure that she'll contradict me again once I say something else. "Alis nga, bigat mo."Hindi naman na ito nagmatigas pa at umalis nga. Naupo lang siya sa tabi ko. Kinuha ko naman ang kumot na itinapon niya at sumabit sa gilid ng kama at ibinalot iyon sa sarili ko. I noticed how she raised an eyebrow at me."What?""Hindi ko makuha kung bakit itinatago mo pa ang sarili mo." May halong pang-aasar ang tono ng boses nito. "I've seen all of you already, I even get to taste—""Bastos!" Ibinato ko sa kanya yung unan na nasa tabi ko lang. Sumapol iyon sa mukha ni Rosendale pero imbes na mapikon ay tumawa lang ito ng malakas. Napairap ako at nagmamadaling pumunta sa banyo para maligo."Still that shy, denial queen, I see." I heard her say.--Rosendale purposely took a leave from her work since today was the anniversary of her family's death. I was already so familiar with this place. Ilang beses na rin naman niya akong dinala rito. She will often tell me things about them while I just listen in return. This was the only moment that she'll talk about her childhood.Siguro nga'y ilang taon na rin ang lumipas nang mawala sila, pero ni minsan, hindi siya nakalimot sa kanila. May mga pagkakataon na pumupunta kami sa dating tinirhan ni Rosendale para lang ipakita yung mga pictures nila. Hindi rin niya pinalagpas na maipakita yung literato naming dalawa noong mga bata pa kami.Hindi ko pa rin alam kung sinong pumatay sa pamilya niya, hindi siya nagkukuwento. Hindi naman pumapasok sa isip ko na baka wala siyang tiwala sa akin, it's just that I perfectly know how difficult it was to open up a nightmare. I learned how to understand her better. It didn't matter now who killed who, but I hope her family will get the justice they should deserve."You okay?""I'm fine." I answered her.Tumingin lang siya sa akin pero mabilis din niyang binawi. Inilapag niya ang mga bulaklak sa tapat ng himlayan ng mga magulang at kapatid. Umupo siya at sumunod naman ako. Ipinatong niya ang kamay sa hita ko at binigyan ako ng marahang pisil. I smiled when she looked at me.Hindi ko alam kung nakuha ko ba ang justice na gusto ko. It's been a while already but I can't help but feel relieved and dissatisfied at the same timr sa tuwing pumapasok sa isip ko ang mga nangyari.I remembered when they told us that Kenneth awoken from his coma, I was really frightened but still decided to do what must happen. There was a trial, desidido akong ituloy ang kaso sa tulong na rin ng mga magulang ko. It was so hard, I almost thought about just giving up. I had to retell what happened between us, it was fucking traumatic that I can't help but be emotional. I had to look unfazed, only to go home just to cry my heart out.It was going well, malakas ang ebidensya laban sa kanya. But things didn't turn out the way we wanted—Kenneth killed himself.He committed suicide before we can even get what I deserved. It was frustrating, it felt like all our efforts was in vain. Hanggang dulo, madaya pa rin ito. He's a coward. I wished him death, but not like this, not that easy.Ipinilig ko ang ulo. Ayoko nang mag-isip. Nangyari na ang dapat mangyari, wala na akong magagawa sa bagay na 'yon kahit nakakainis. Iniisip ko na lang na ang mahalaga, wala na siya. Hindi ko na kailangang matakot. It was disappointing but what's most importance was that we're now safe from him. No one will get me now.Hinawakan ko ang kamay ni Rosendale habang nakamasid sa pangalang nakaukit sa himlayan ng pamilya niya. I met them before, it's just a sad thing that I can't remember them dahil bata pa ako."Ikaw, ayos ka lang?" Tanong ko sa kanya. Inilapit ko ang sarili sa kanya at sumandal nang bahagya. Umakbay naman siya sa akin at pinisil ang balikat ko."Unlike before, seeing them now feels lighter." She heaved a deep breath. She leaned and kissed my temple briefly. "I still feel sad, I missed them a lot, but right now I feel much more at peace. Parang nawalan ako ng tinik sa lalamunan.""Naalala ko yung sinabi mo noon. You're being vague about it but you mentioned the one who killed them." I licked my lower lip. I can't help but feel anxious with what I was about to ask. I didn't want to spoil this very moment, I told myself it didn't matter, but there's nothing to lose if I still wanted to know a bit. "Is he still alive?""Echo." Tinahip ng kaba ang dibdib ko sa paraan ng pagtawag niya."Hmm?""Do you want to live with me?"Kumunot ang noo ko sa weird na tanong niya. "Magkasama na tayo sa iisang bahay. Ayos ka lang ba?"Inirapan niya ako. "Slow.""What the fuck?" I said out loud. Hindi ko mapigilang mainis. Siya itong nagtatanong ng kawirduhan tapos ako pang slow? "You're annoying.""It's you who's annoying." Iniharap niya ako sa kanya. Hindi pa siya nakuntento at pinitik pa ako sa noo kaya napamura ako. I was about to retort when she suddenly kiss me. I winced when she but my lower lip before parting. She tilted her head, a grin suddenly appearing on her. "I love that part of you anyway.""Ewan ko sa'yo." Pinalo ko siya sa balikat at tiningnan ng masama. I tried to ignore my heartbeat. "Ikaw itong weird magtanong."She chuckled. Pero nakakaasar ang dating no'n sa akin. "You misunderstood it.""Eh, ano ba kasi?""Do you want to live with me?""Magkasama na nga tayo—""I mean be together, get a house and, build our own...family." She cut me off. Natigilan ako sa narinig, pakiramdam ko nga ay iyon lang ang nag-register sa utak ko. "I still think that twins will be fancy.""S-siraulo." Napaiwas ako ng tingin. Sobrang bilis ng kabog ng dibdib ko. Suddenly, I felt like being emotional. Para akong maiiyak na hindi ko maintindihan. I remembered telling her that things were too complex for us that time. But right now, it seemed like there's nothing to worry about. She's working now, I finished college just a few months ago, and my parents were so fine with her."Like what I've said before, it will take years for us to make it happen. I only need to keep you mine for that to happen." Hinaplos niya ang pisngi ko. "Bakit para kang iiyak diyan?""Huh?" Sinamaan ko siya ng tingin. "Bakit ako iiyak?""Because you're so touched that I'm proposing to you?""Proposing tawag mo diyan?" Tinaasan ko siya ng kilay. "Really.""What, you want a ring?""I never said about—""Then I'm proposing for us to live together someday." She cut me off again. "It's not like you can get away from me.""Then why still ask?""For formality."At that moment, I had this urge to smack her head hanggang maging normal siya. But, fuck, that's just so her. God. Why did I fall for her again? She's so annoying."So, Echo, your answer?" She smiled. It looked so genuine that I found myself staring at her. "I'm waiting.""May magagawa pa ba ako?" Umiling siya. Huminga ako ng malalim na para bang nakukunsumi sa kanya. In the end, I wasn't able to control myself, I smiled at her and wiped my eyes even if there was no tears yet. I feel like crying, ayoko namang makita niya. I leaned to plant a soft kiss on her lips. "Then that'll be a yes.""As expected." Hinawakan niya ang kamay ko at hinalikan iyon. "I swear to you no one will harm you now. Nagkulang ako dati, pero natuto na ako.""Hindi ka nagkulang, Rosendale."Umiling siya. Her brown eyes looked so calm. "I can protect you better now. He's dead, Echo.""Si-sino?"Inilapit niya ako sa kanya para yakapin. Her breath fanned my skin. "The one who killed them. There's nothing to worry about it now."_____the end.Hi. There will be an extra chapter/s featuring Rosendale's point of view.Thank you for reading up until the very end.
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